25 Nov

I can’t stand routine. I like new things. Once I learn something, I lose interest in it and want to move on to a new adventure.

I think this is connected to why I don’t like holidays. For people who generally like routine in their lives, I think holidays provide a pleasant diversion from said routine, but for me, they accentuate the routine, they draw attention to how quickly a year flies by. I am trying to slow the passage of time by doing new things, and as many of them as possible. I want 200 years in my life and as many days and nights in those years as I can experience. Routine is not experience. It allows your brain to turn off and stop storing memories. Routine makes life go so quickly. When Thanksgiving shows up again, I am angry that I have just lost another year. Didn’t we just have Thanksgiving? I can do routine-ish things on a longer timeline, like xmas every 3 years is tolerable to me. Every year is way too often. To soon. Too much. Too soon.

The idea of my mortality frustrates me. I want to do everything all of the time forever. I want to learn everything and read everything and fall in love with everything and go all over, seeing and doing it all. Fuck death. Fuck  boredom. Fuck time.

“Holidays come and then they go, nothing new today, collect another memory.”
-you could be mine

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